Tales from here and there

Below I present an anthology of very short but hilarious stories from five weeks in Freetown. Some are not my own but shamelessly plagiarised from Chris and Allison’s life adventures in Bo

You fuck off!

I still find it hard to understand prices especially when the street vendors yell them out over the din of rap music, car horns and general commotion. The other day I was trying to buy tomatoes from a stern looking woman on Sani Abacha street and I kept thinking she wanted to sell me three tomatoes for 1,500 leones ($0.50) when she actually meant three for 15,000 leones (about $ 5). I repeated, “three for 1,500?” She stared blankly back into my face and parroted “three for one five.” Just to be sure I clarified again, “three for one thousand five hundred?” At this she flew into a rage, snatched the tomatoes back from my hand and yelled, “You fuck off, you fuck off.” I don’t think I could have taken her, so I did just that.

Chicken in the generator:

Chris and Allison always have the best stories. One day as Chris walked down the flight of stairs at their apartment in Bo, a came at him flailing his arms about wildly and shouting “fowl, fowl.” Chris of course thought it was someone asking for money so he tried to shrug the man away. No luck, the man persisted “fowl fowl,” this time pointing to their generator. As Chris inched closer together the man became excited urging Chris to lift it up. He did and found a live chicken that had become trapped in the space between the generator and the tire that cushioned it. Thrilled that his bird was safe, the man scooped it up and sped off, leaving Chris scratching his head.

Married in Freetown:

I’ve figured that the only way to keep unwanted attention at bay is to tell people that I’m married. Allison has gotten pretty good at this and often adopts fake identities just for the fun of it. She’s even posed as Nancy, who’s pregnant with her first child. I think the next time I’ll invoke God and say that it’s against my Hindu religion to marry a Christian or a Muslim man.

The good soldiers:

The United Nations has a strange policy for their peace keeping forces around the world. If the soldiers can go three months without committing a crime in the city they’re posted in, then they get a little medal of honour. Recently the Mongolian soldiers who protect the Special Court for Sierra Leone had a ceremony of their own and most of them got medals. What I want to know is who didn’t get a medal and why. I’ll post a message when I find out.